I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
