i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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