You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
