just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
