then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
