How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
