i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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