i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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