Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
