Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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