my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
