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she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
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