Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.