Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
