I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!