just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
