shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
it glows. i had to have it.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize