I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize