i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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