Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
