i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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