Christians are straight up FREAKS
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
