We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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