good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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