Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
