I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
