Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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