Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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