my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
this will be a night to untag.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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