I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
