I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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