I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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