This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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