woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
