I need to stop coming to work sober
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
