he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Randomize
