The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
