**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
