Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
