we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
