just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize