I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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