let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
