i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Two words: blizzard sex
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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