we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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