Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
