just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
