Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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