i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
