Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
just tell him i said nine months
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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