he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
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Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
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I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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