You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
