Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
