Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
