did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
