I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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