This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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