Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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