Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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