so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
