WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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