How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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