only if we run a train.
done.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
