Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I smell stomach acid.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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