Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
