What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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