All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
