you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
