She went from zero to smokin in five shots
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
