Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
We have started to decorate penises.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
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