Got a toothbrush?
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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