Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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