just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
