when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
accomplished twins. life is a go
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
