need another drink. this is the easiest way
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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