Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
