I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
