I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
