i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
